Introducing a New Art Form: The Bog

Actually, this art form is isn’t really new, and maybe not even an art form, because everyone is already familiar with The Bog, which is located just south of Quagmire, well west of Plain Old Mire, next door to Muck, and across the way from The Fens. All these places are now well known, since the U.S.A.’s Cheney Administration (i.e., America’s Bushmen, a.k.a. Swamp Things) dragged us into and through these locales and then abandoned us, up to our ass in you know what.

This web bog is devoted to understanding how and why the American people, justifiably admired by everyone, including you and me, for their talent and devotion to profitable effort, nonetheless keep electing venal, inept, stupid, and / or uneducated “leaders” such as Disgraced President Kniksen and Real President Cheney

It is my intention (my referring to me, the bogger) to do as much original research and investigation as my time, ability, and connections will allow me to. Granted, I have little ability and no connections whatever, but I have shitloads of time, and expect to use it (them?), though probably not immoderately.

I’ve already scored some major investigative successes, which I intend to inflict on y’all over the next handful of periods of time. For example, I have been given access to all the public and private papers and records of Real President Cheney on the condition that I not share them with Congresspeople or the news media. But he didn’t tell me I couldn’t put them on the in-turd net.

You have the opportunity to taste the first fruits of this Scoop on this very day. I hope it will be a small contribution to our understanding how we got bogged down in these mirish quagmirable fens, the Eye Wrackie wetlands and drylands.

A final note before sharing the first of these papers: I have hitherto been using made-up names to protect the sensibilities of people who might throw up hearing the real names. By this I mean that Kniksen and Cheney are fake names. Well, not Kniksen. But "Cheney" is a Nom de Bog. There’s no one, or at least no human being, by this name. However, I will make no attempt to disguise the names in any of the documents that I boggify or those from which I draw vitally informative vital information.

N.B. – This bog will make slightly more sense, insofar as it makes any at all, if y’all readers acquaint y’all’s selves with the who and what, which y’all’ll find under the postings “How We Talk,” a Bushmanese lexicon , and “Dramatis Personae,” a Registry of America’s Bushmen: The Harmful People .


Sunday, July 22, 2007

Dramatis Personae

Antichrist Evil Evil Incarnate Gases His Own People and Occasionally Other People's People, Too – Dictator and Murderer of Eye Wrack and / or Sylvania.

Bravehawk, Student Deferment – the Beloved Real President and Decider; senior member of The Triumvirate.

Count Me In, Tonypony – H.M. First Minister of the United Thingdom of Echolalia and Perfidia, whose regime was changed after he joined Freedonia’s War Team, the Coalition of the Wilful.

Cruella de Vile, Candalabreeza – Ministrette of International Signal Sending and Administrix of Silly Steps,

Dumbya – Fond nickname for the Nominal Leader.

Gobblesnot, Scootiewootie Chipperskipper Good Boy – Equerry, dogsbody, factotum, and bagman to the Beloved.

Great Benefactor of Unwhite People for No Selfish Moltive Whatever – Cecil Rhodes (first syllable rhymes with first syllable of “bestial,” not first three letters of “beast”).

Marionetty, Bushbush – Nom de Politique of Xxqxcxqx of Qicxq, the Nominal Leader of Freedonia, but in fact the Voice Box activated by the Beloved Decider, Bravehawk.

Refuse, You Made Me an Offer I Couldn’t – Self-Selected Dictator of Terrorstan.

Robber G.. Mugabe – God-awful leader who cruelly makes thieves return their stolen goods.

Rumsfool, Übermensch – Minister for Waging War Weakly

S.H.F. – The present bogger; reformed Bushman and junior member of The Triumvirate.

Shifty-Eyed Goddam Liar, Call Rover – Hold your nose, deputy senior member of The Triumvirate.

Wolfshits, Horstwessel – Deputy Minister Waging War Mindlessly in charge of Aggression Against Countries Unable or Unwilling to Defend Themselves and diddler of the help.

Xxqxcxqx of Qicxq – Former name (i.e., né) of the Nominal Leader, Bushbush Marionetty, a.k.a. Dumbya.

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